Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
