I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
