and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
