Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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