If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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