considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
