Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
