Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
