My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
