I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
