Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
