During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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