she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
