I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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