I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
