dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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