It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
