hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
