Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
