I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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