On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize