it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize