So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
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She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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