these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
