where am i from again
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
