Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
