i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
