I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
