Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
