apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
