well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
