Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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