Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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