i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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