I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
