I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
