Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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