I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize