pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
worst night to have a conscience
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
