smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
