peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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