After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Boobs are out for the taking
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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