I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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