Kiss
Puke
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
