i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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