i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
