how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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