dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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