what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
