I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize