I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
