i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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