we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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