i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
