Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
