You made me cry and you don't even care
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
