so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
